this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize