Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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