just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
