What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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