sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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