If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
