What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize