Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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