wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
