I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
