I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize