I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
please don't ironically join a cult
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