Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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