I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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