i think my tv is drunk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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