Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
