i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize