Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
