I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So much rum. So many feels.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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