I wish I only lived at night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
