thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
