I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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