He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
