Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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