you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
