New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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