12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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