He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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