I just threw up on my dentist
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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