You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
