Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He? As in you personified your dick?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
