Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
