i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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