I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
