I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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