I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
