That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
