why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
