He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
