I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
