it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
whose parrot is this?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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