chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
