if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
