He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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