we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
