no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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