I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize