I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
