Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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