Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
