don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
