Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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