You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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