oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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