just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
