It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
