Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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