a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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