i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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