Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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