Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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