I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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