New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
