is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
