i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize