She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
