I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
