During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
