So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
