New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
