She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
