Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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