I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
