last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
