I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
