Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize