before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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