i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
