Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
