Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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