I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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