She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
