Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
