see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
