Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
