i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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