I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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