Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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