I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
