And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
