Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize