Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize