I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
