that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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