Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
