Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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