she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
