I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
