I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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