Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
