i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize