the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize