So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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