somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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