oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
