The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize